Lending an Upper Hand

Customer: “FUCKWATER?! What the FUCK is FUCKWATER?! HA!”

Me: “It’s a brand of lube.”

Customer: “Well, does it WORK?! HA HA!”

[Inner Me: No. It’s made out of sandpaper and paste.]

Me: “Yes, it works very well.”

Customer: “So WHY would I buy FUCKWATER when I could just buy CRISCO INSTEAD?! HA HA HA!”

Me: [brightly] “Oh, you’re into fisting!”

Customer: “Wait, what?! NO!”

Me: [pantomiming] “Crisco is used for fisting.”

Customer: “OH, GOD NO!”

Me: “So… you’re not into fisting?”

Customer: “I… I didn’t even know Crisco could be used for… for…”

Me: “Fisting.”

Customer: “I apologize.”

Later, I gave a different shopper the condensed history of the Sam Browne belt and then demonstrated how arm restraints work. It’s when I’m educating the masses that I feel like I’m doing the most good.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

3 thoughts on “Lending an Upper Hand”

  1. I feel this is the point I should mention the ex-roommate who applied for a job at Ye Olde Shoppe of Dildos. Once he left I ran to management. “Don’t hire him, he’s the biggest homophobe I know.” We questioned why a homophobe would apply for a job at an adult store. So much so that I later asked him. He was shocked at the thought that GAYS might go into a such an establishment. I just can’t fathom what he thought ALL THAT STUFF was for. Or who I guess. He was an odd duck.

    Liked by 1 person

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