The Solicitor Is Not Always Right

Owner: [to the entire staff] “Guys, please remember that sexual acts are not allowed in the store. I recently had a customer tell me that the last time he came in, he got a really good blowjob.”

Me: “Well, it certainly wasn’t me. I’ve never gotten a good blowjob here.”

Owner: [stony silence]

Wrong answer, apparently.

Ed. Note: The space that now houses the Montrose Forge has gone through a number of incarnations. A previous proprietor took a very [cough] hands-on approach to customer appreciation, so we occasionally get patrons salaciously asking what other services might be available. Fortunately, one of our vendors sent us these cute little promotional safe sex kits, so I can toss a few of those in their bags and be all, “There ya go! Happy to be of service.”

Side note to self: Download the sound of a sad trombone to play whenever I make a customer’s face fall.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

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