We also carry video head cleaner, but we’re fresh out of liquid incense

Customer: “Do you sell poppers?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “But we do have a fine selection of solvents and polish removers.”

Customer: [blank stare]

Me: “Retail establishments in Texas are prohibited from selling alkyl nitrites or any related chemical compounds for recreational purposes. However, we’re able to keep these products in stock, with the understanding that they are intended to be used as dilution agents and/or room deodorizers, not inhalants.”

Customer: [blank stare]

Me: “See? It says so on the labels.”

Customer: “I just want to buy some poppers.”

Me: “Let’s try this again.”

Author: Thumper

Thumper (Horkos) Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a Discordian Episkopos, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public.

9 thoughts on “We also carry video head cleaner, but we’re fresh out of liquid incense”

  1. My kids took sex ed in middle school in a non-public Texas school– aka, they actually did learn some useful information beyond abstinence only. My one kid came home and complained to me that they had to put a condom on a banana which she deemed totally gross. I told her to be grateful they didn’t make her use a “condom demonstration model.” She asked what that was, and I told her it was a fake penis. The freakout from that was legendary. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I went to a private school in Texas, but our sex ed classes were hardcore (so to speak). They were like, “We want you to grow up to be good Christians, but we’ll be damned if any of you have to drop out to raise children. Also, anyone who laughs during Am I Normal? gets detention for life.”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I went to a Catholic school in another state. The teachers were very good about teaching, “This is what the Catholic Church says about birth control and sex, and just in case you were curious, here’s what’s available in the rest of the world.” It was also served with a heaping dose of “don’t have sex until you are married or you’re going to Hell” in the general culture, so it was far from perfect.

        Liked by 1 person

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