The Astonishing X-Fits

Every year, one of the Misfits (Dean: center, blue do-rag) draws a group portrait of our organization’s active members, and it gives me immeasurable joy to show off his 2017 masterpiece.


Dean really went out of his way to make us look like we’re all competitive bodybuilders, which is, y’know, inaccurate at best. Some of us are actually professional gymnasts, while others were bombarded by gamma rays during experimental weapons testing. John (top row, red cap) is an alien god from another dimension who came to earth seeking adventure, whereas Eric (bottom row, far right) volunteered for a secret government “Super Soldier” program and spent many years fighting valiantly against the Nazis before pledging a leather club.

Scott (second row, green camouflage) is a cyborg assassin sent from the future to annihilate Linda Hamilton, and I (gray shirt, between Scott and Dean) have been seeing a nutritionist and working out a couple of times a week. But I can also fly and walk through walls, so they went ahead and let me stay.

Anyway, these are the Misfits — my brothers; my tribe; my teammates; my occasional archnemeses. Genetic mutations and film adaptations that fail to live up to canon aside, I definitely think I’ll keep ’em.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

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