Paris is Here, Wish You Were Beautiful

Customer 1: “I like these onesies!”

Customer 2: “So do I!”

Customer 1: “I need a small. What size do you wear?”

Customer 2: “I probably need a small too.”

Customer 1: [suddenly aggressive] “A small? Really? You think you can fit in a small? You honestly think you need a small, like me? Okay, fine, let’s see you in a small, and oh, look, there’s a dressing room. Get in.”

Customer 2: “Um, okay.”

Customer 1: “And here’s a large. If we put you in a small, you’ll be a Santa ho-ho.”

Customer 2: “Yeah, thanks for size-shaming me…”

A few points of information here.

a) Customer 2 needs new friends.

b) Customer 1 needs a medium. (The fit is based on height, not weight.)

c) Size-shaming is repugnant, and any gay man who size- or body-shames any other gay man deserves to get stabbed in the eye with a dirty fork.

d) “Santa ho-ho” is the lamest insult in the history of throwing shade. The entire cast of Paris is Burning has been alerted and will be here any minute to destroy him, while Customer 2 and I eat popcorn and giggle.