Name That Jejune

Straight Girl: [slamming bottle on the counter] “I’d like to buy this Fuckwater!”

Me: [blank stare]

Straight Girl: “Ha! I just wanted to say ‘Fuckwater.'”

Me: [blank stare]

Straight Girl: “Ha…”

Me: [blank stare]

Straight Girl: “…”

Me: “$10.81.”

Straight Girl: [quietly pays]

Many moons ago, I worked at an LGBTQ bookshop/café, and any time straight people wandered in, one of my co-workers would silently follow them around until they giggled at something, at which point he would hulk out and chase them from the store. As much as I enjoyed those spectacles, blasé laconism in the face of hetero privilege is proving to be just as effective at producing comedic results, with considerably less effort expended.

I do kind of wonder what she did with the Fuckwater, though. I’d be disappointed but unsurprised if it’s shamefully hidden in the back of a drawer.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

4 thoughts on “Name That Jejune”

  1. I’m not straight, but I would definitely laugh like a twelve-year-old boy at a lube called Fuckwater. I assume it’s water-based?

    So, before posting this comment, I searched for what lube damages condoms (I can never remember if it’s silicone or oil that ruins latex) and found a list of oils that should not be used with condoms. This list included hair conditioner and shaving cream and now I’m confused like a straight girl.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Right? I just feel like there are so many better options. The list also included shampoo and soap, which I would have raised my eyebrow at except that I’ve heard of that being done. I don’t understand WHY it would be done, but I do know it’s a thing that happens.

        Liked by 1 person

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