Straight Female Customer: “What is this?”
Me: “That is a cock cage.” [Ed. Note: Link severely NSFW. Please don’t get fired.]
SFC: “Would it go on when the guy is, like, limp?”
Me: “Yes, and then it would prevent him from getting an erection.”
SFC: “But wouldn’t that be painful?”
Me: “Well, that’s kind of the point. It’s used for forced chastity.”
SFC: “Oh, okay! Women have the same thing, except with a lock and key. And, y’know, CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP.”
Me: “… Ah. Yes.”
SFC: “I bought my Chihuahua a cock ring.”
Me: [stunned silence]
SFC: “There used to be a store down the street from here called Lola’s.” [Ed. Note: It was called Lobo.] “They had studded leather cock rings, and I got one for my Chihuahua to wear as a collar. Do you have any studded leather cock rings?”
Me: “I’m afraid we do not.”
SFC: “Oh. Well, he was adorable. And very passive.”
Me: “Undoubtedly.”
SFC: “CLAMP CLAMP.”
Instead of wrapping things up with a clever one-liner, I’d like to share a quotation from the greviously underrated romantic comedy The Truth About Cats and Dogs:
“This is a good time to talk about limits. You can love your pets, but just don’t love your pets.”
Let that be a public service announcement to us all.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
for some reason I picture SFC stretch her arms out and her fingers forming teeth and making said arms opening and closing while saying CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP
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Ya really gotta be careful saying things like, “I bought my Chihuahua a cock ring.” Even if you meant as a collar, the ASPCA is gonna put your ass on a list, or something.
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On a lighter (or maybe not) note, I am totally just gonna start yelling “CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP” whenever I find myself in an awkward situation. I will never explain why to anyone.
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You remain my favorite superhero.
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