In His House at Ripcord Dead Marjorie Waits Dreaming

Customer: “So… I’ve been talking with one of your co-workers…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I told him that I want to learn more about [whispering] dark spirituality. And he suggested I speak with you.”

Me: [that sideways head thing dogs do when they’re confused]

Customer: “So maybe you and I could discuss [whispering] dark spirituality sometime?”

I’m not quite sure why he felt the need to whisper, considering he had no problem asking if we carried “alligator clips for tits” a couple of minutes before. Nor do I have any idea what he means by “dark spirituality,” although my guess is that he’s looking for an NC-17 interpretation of Wicca versus anything related to Jungian shadow work or Luciferianism.

Either way, I’ll be happy to share whatever knowledge I have with him, even if he’s going to come away disappointed when I don’t offer to initiate him into the Sordid Underworld of Ritualistic Naughtiness. And on the off chance he’s an actual, earnest seeker, I’ll of course do whatever I can to be of assistance.

But secretly, in the back of my brain, here’s how I hope things play out (click to embiggen):

Parody artwork created by Howard Hallis, who also designed a Tarot deck based on Beyond Valley of the Dolls. I’ve got a new God now.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

7 thoughts on “In His House at Ripcord Dead Marjorie Waits Dreaming”

  1. Best. Chick. Tract. Parody. *Of all time.*

    Dude was whispering because he thought the Old Ones were listening. They totally were; he will understand this eventually.

    Also: He probably thought you had the Lament Configuration cube hidden under the counter. Happy Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a lost puppy who keeps messaging me on facebook, wanting me to teach him the “powerful secrets” of Druidry so he can “master Druidry and magick”. I feel like he’s looking for something like the ritual out of Eyes Wide Shut instead of what essentially is a bunch of dorks getting together to pray and pour booze in a fire.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Took me a bit, but I remember what this reminds me of. A while back, there was a Tecate Light radio ad, where every time someone said “Tecate Light”, an overdub of a deep voice was used, no matter the speaker.


    PS: …would you care to experience my…Dark Heroin?

    Liked by 2 people

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