Second Bar to the Right and Straight on ’til Morning

Customer: “Could you help me find something?”

Me: “Sure. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “I really want an Eagle Houston T-shirt.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Nothing embellished or anything. Just a plain, solid color T-shirt that says ‘Eagle.’ Do you have something like that?”

Me: “No. We don’t.”

Customer: “Really? Why don’t you have those?”

Me: “Because you’re in Ripcord.”

[long pause]

Customer: “Oh. Right.”

Guys, you know I don’t judge, and in fact this one time, back when I still drank, I got lost in a Dillard’s and couldn’t find my way out – like, I had to call a (very concerned) friend to help me navigate to the exit. But at least I knew I was in Dillard’s, y’know? I wasn’t stumbling around looking for Nordstrom memorabilia.

Be aware of your surroundings, people. And learn your leather bars when you’re sober. This is my life-saving advice to you.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

2 thoughts on “Second Bar to the Right and Straight on ’til Morning”

  1. This seems to have been a thing lately. I recently saw a video where some woman was all upset because she was trying to order a burger and fries in Taco Bell, and they wouldn’t give it to her. The gall of those Burger King people, ya know.

    Liked by 2 people

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