Get in, loser. We’re going mopping.

I’m house-sitting for my sponsor right now, and he just called to ask if I could keep an eye out for any packages left on his neighbor’s doorstep.

“She’s traveling in Europe,” he explained. “And her Tony Award is supposed to arrive today.”

While I’m certainly not ashamed of my own humble achievements, I have got to figure out how to get on these people’s level. Although you know what would be funny? If, when the package appeared, I removed the Tony and replaced it with the following note:

Dear Esteemed Colleague,

We were robbed, and now, so were you.

Respectfully,

-the entire cast of Mean Girls

I’d ask my sponsor to talk me out of this, but he’s at a conference and conveniently hard to reach at the moment. As such, I can only assume that the Universe has a master plan and totally wants me to sweep an award the old-fashioned way.

UPDATE: I am currently experiencing feelings of anxiety and regret. Shit. Does anyone happen to know if stealing a Tony is considered a felony? Asking for Victor Garber.