And a naked beef toasty called the Ralph Bruneau. We should probably start taking reservations now.

Ben: “Guacamoldie Hawn.”

Me: “Is that your Sisters name?”

Ben: “It was the daily special at a pizzeria in Brooklyn. It accompanied the Death Becrumbs Her.”

Me: “Wow. It’s like my brain opened a restaurant. We should totally get to eat there for free because of that.”

Ben: “We should open something similar.”

Me: “I was thinking the same thing. Should it be kink-themed? Or just terribly gay?”

Ben: “Both. Not gonna lie, I have always wanted to run a café/bakery. And also a restaurant called Fried Stuff in a Sauce.”

Me: “I’ve always wanted to run a coffee shop called King’s Corner, named after the card game some friends and I used to play in college. We added a rule that you could say whatever you wanted to the other players without repercussion. We worked out a lot of resentments that way.”

Ben: “Yes! Can we? Let’s do that.”

Me: “You bet. there will be little game tables and nooks and what-not, and then a back room for the more… flavorful games of chance.”

Ben: “Ooh! Good idea. Coffee. Baked goods. Maybe some sandwiches?”

Me: “Yes. Noshy things. Definitely scones. and a St. Andrew’s Croissant. And Spencer Spanking Plancakes.”

Ben: “Stop.”

Me: “I am so proud of the pancake name, I can’t even see straight.”

Ben: “I’ll make a cheese, bacon and tomato sandwich and call it the CBT. Or a bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato.”

Me: “Daddy’s BeLT?”

Ben: “Yup!”

Me: “We are frighteningly good at this.”

Ben: “Well, duh.”

Me: “And for Sunday brunch, Lonely Top Mimosas… because they’re bottomless.”

Ben: “Sold. And Beat Me Bloody Marys.”

Me: “10/10 Fuck yes. And melted white cheese with black beans and red bell peppers over blue corn tortillas. Leather Pride Flameado.”

Ben: “Nacho Pride Flag.”

Me: “Yesssss.”

Ben: “I want to figure out the perfect aftercare cake slice…”

Me: “Oh, shit. I’m about to drop the mic. Brace yourself.”

Ben: “…”

Me: “Whenever somebody orders a specialty coffee drink, we’ll ask them if they’d like it plain, or Drew Kramer.”

Ben: “What’s Drew Kramer?”

Me: “Topped with whip.”


And then I was like, “I honestly don’t know if I’m shivering over this menu, or because I forgot to eat lunch,” and Ben was like, “Uh, go eat, dude,” which was quick thinking on his part. I mean, you can’t win James Beard and/or Pantheon of Leather Awards on an empty stomach. That’s just basic gastronomy.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

4 thoughts on “And a naked beef toasty called the Ralph Bruneau. We should probably start taking reservations now.”

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