That’ll do, Louis Braille. That’ll do.

Customer 1: “Oh, hey! They’ve got Nasty Pig hats.”

Customer 2: “That is not Nasty Pig.”

Customer 1: “Um… yes, it is. See the pig snout on the front of the cap? Nasty Pig.”

Customer 2: “Nope. Not Nasty Pig.”

Customer 1: “This is literally the Nasty Pig logo. And it says Nasty Pig on the brim.”

Customer 2: “Nasty Pig is only sold in gay stores.”

Customer 1: “But… but this is a gay store. We’re in a gay bar.”

Customer 2: “THIS ISN’T NASTY PIG. This is…” [he grabs a hat and looks at the elastic band inside] “Flexfit. This is Flexfit. They don’t sell Nasty Pig here.”

Okay. Flexfit is a custom headwear wholesaler — they make hats, and then companies like Nasty Pig add their logos and sell them as their own. I do, however, appreciate the image of a factory full of adorable sweatshop orphans working their dainty little fingers to the bone to handcraft artisan Nasty Pig textiles. And they say the gays can’t parent.

Anyway, Customer 2 got distracted by a shelf of Burlyshirts, and, recognizing the brand this time, immediately bought a couple of tees. I look forward to him angrily returning them next week, after he finally looks at the tags and realizes he was swindled into purchasing Next Level Apparel.

Author: Thumper (MJ)

Thumper Marjorie Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a devout Discordian, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public

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