[The always dapper Ty and his equally fanciable husband Michael have stopped by to say hello, and we’re having a lovely exchange on the dos and don’ts of impact play, when a visibly dissatisfied customer flounces in and interrupts.]
Customer: “I have a complaint.”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer: “I bought some poppers here last week…”
Me: “Solvents.”
Customer: “… and they were not good at all.”
Me: “Which solvents were they?”
Customer: [pointing to the Double Scorpio fridge behind the counter] “Those. The red poppers.”
Me: “Solvents.”
Customer: “They didn’t work. My butthole stayed tight.”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Customer: “So which poppers are better?”
Me: “Solvents.”
Customer: “AARGH. Whatever you call them.”
Me: “We call them solvents.”
Customer: “So which… solvents… are better?”
Me: “Try the Amsterdam.”
Customer: “Fine. I’ll come back next week and get those.”
[He flounces out.]
Ty: “…”
Michael: “…”
Me: “I DO NOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.”
Marjorie's Forgeries 