Lucky Number Sober

A backdated post, so as not to forget to acknowledge my sobriety date.

A round of club sodas on me, barkeep. With extra lime wedges for everyone.

Cock Block of the Walk

[Two customers enter the store with mischievous glints in their eyes.]

Customer 1: “WE’RE GONNA HAVE SEX IN HERE.”

Me: “Are you, now?”

Customer 1: “Nothing says we can’t have sex in here!”

Me: “Just me.”

Customer 1: “But the sign outside doesn’t mention the Forge…”

[Ed. Note: There’s a laminated sign by the front door of Ripcord that says, “No sex in the bar area, bathrooms, or on the patio. If caught, you will be asked to leave, period.”]

Customer 1: “… SO WE’RE ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX IN HERE.”

Me: [leaning over the counter and beaming like a bear trap] “You are welcome to try.”

Customer 1: “…”

Customer 2: [meekly] “I promise we’re not going to have sex in here.”

Time to make more signs for the register, I guess. I hope management is sympathetic when we run out of Post-its.