Uncut and Paste

I was officially in charge of GLUE Weekend this year, and against all odds, I didn’t die or murder anyone! I’m calling it a victory. And even though I spent three days battling anxiety attacks while managing crises and bossing the Misfits around, I still found time (like I do every year) to record the bizarre and amusing statements I overheard throughout the event. Thus, I am proud to present a carefully curated list of…

SHIT PEOPLE SAY DURING GLUE WEEKEND
2019 EDITION

“I’m not a Muppet. You’re a Muppet, you Muppet.”

“We got the Leaning Tower of Depression back to his room.”

“Wait… what’s my boyfriend’s name?”

“NON-BINARY, BITCH.”

“We put the devil back in vaudeville.”

“God you’re hot when you’re apathetic.”

“Suck my gray nutrient paste, daddy.”

“You look like death coming to claim souls.” “Then it’s working.”

“I’m already a slut. Don’t get me drunk.”

“I’ll give you my sandwich for your dick.”

“They should rename I-69 We-69.”

“If you can’t get the straw into the Capri Sun, you’re not as vers as you think you are.”

“I heard ‘zoo,’ and then I heard ‘gaping anus.’ What are we talking about?”

“Because fashion, Brenda. Look it up.”

“There are a lot of choices going on here, and I’m not sure they’re the right ones.”

“Now that no one’s squirting water in their butt in our bathroom, I’m going to go pee.”

“Get in, loser. We’re going whoring.”

“Am I molesting the right leg back there?”

“I don’t want to get caught in the crossfire of some angry, resentful cum war.”

“I’m like your first black friend, aren’t I?”

“That stopped being sexy the moment it started.”

“If that cake could talk, it would be like, ‘Of course I’m cake, human.'”

“Have fun storming the asshole.”