Me: “The perfect holiday ornament for 2020 doesn’t exi-”
Etsy:
Me: “Okay, but speaking of chaos, the perfect Discordian ornament definitely doesn’t exi-”
Etsy:
Me: “Fine. But the perfect marriage of phallic symbol and anthropomorphic Christmas Pickle absolutely does not exi-”
Etsy:
Final tally: Etsy 3, Gay Scrooge 0.
Marjorie's Forgeries 
everything exists on the internet. Everything. And it can all be perverted
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https://www.frogandtoadstore.com/merry-christmas-dumpster-fire-ornament.html
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Some families have a tradition of hiding a pickle ornament on the tree, and the child who spots it gets an extra goodie of some kind. So there’s a reason for the pickle. Still phallic tho lol
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