Timepiece Bandit

Customer: “Is it okay to try a few things on?”

Me: “Of course!”

Customer: “Great! I’ve never worn leather before, but I’m starting over and reinventing myself.”

Me: “I totally understand. Let me know if I can help with anything.”

Customer: “Actually, maybe you can help with something. You do leather repair, right?”

Me: “I don’t do it personally, but one our owners does do repair work.”

Customer: “Well, I’ve got this watch, and I need to add a couple of links to the band. Could you do that for me?”

Me: “If it’s a metal band, you’ll probably want to take it to a jeweler. I don’t think we have the tools to do that.”

Customer: “Could you at least try? I really want you to do it. What’s your name?”

Me: “My name is Thomas, but–”

Customer: “Let me go get the watch. It’s hidden behind a trash can.”

Me: “…”

[He scampers out and returns a few minutes later with a small, cloth bag.]

Customer: “Here it is! Can you add the extra links?”

Me: [pulling the watch out and reluctantly examining it] “Yeah, this is really going to require specific tools that we don’t have here.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s a shame. I really wanted to wear it tonight.”

Me: “You could always run by the main store in the morning and have Rok take a look at it, but it would probably be better to just–”

Customer: “I got out of prison two months ago.”

Me: “… Congratulations?”

Customer: “So now I’m reinventing myself, and wearing this watch is very important to me.” [He puts on the watch and, with much effort, snaps the clasp shut.] “Hey, it fits! Kind of!”

Tank ended up on the closing shift that evening, and the next day he was like, “Some guy came in last night, and he kept grinning and tapping the face of his watch and asking if I knew what time it was.” In retrospect, I should’ve left him instructions on how to properly handle the situation, which would’ve been to yell, “IT’S TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF, FREEMAN,” followed by a hearty fist-bump. That would’ve been epic. I’ve really gotta work on playing the tape forward.

Author: Thumper

Thumper (Horkos) Marjorie Splitfoot Forge is a Gardnerian High Priest, an initiate of the Minoan Brotherhood, a Discordian Episkopos, a recovering alcoholic, and a notary public.

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